Advantage of Marriage

Celibacy and Monasticism is Forbidden

Islamic is totally opposed to monasticism and celibacy. ‘Uthman bin Maz’un was a close companion of the Prophet (S). One day his wife came to the Prophet (S) and complained,

 “O Messenger of God (S)! ‘Uthman fasts during the day and stands for prayers during the night.”

In other words, she meant to say that her husband was avoiding sexual relations during the night as well as the day. The Prophet (S) was angered. He did not even wait to put on his slippers. He went to ‘Uthman’s house and found him praying. When ‘Uthman finished his prayers and turned towards the Prophet (S), he said,

 “O ‘Uthman! Allah did not send me for monasticism, rather He sent me with a simple and straight [Shariah]. I fast, pray and also have intimate relations with my wife. So whosoever likes my tradition, then he should follow it; and marriage is one of my traditions.”

Beneficial Effects of a Married Life

Various studies prove that married people remain healthier, physically and mentally. Islam has always maintained that marriage is beneficial for us in many ways. Islam also regards marriage as a way to acquire spiritual perfection.

The Prophet (S) said,

“One who marries, has already guarded half of his religion, therefore he should fear Allah for the other half.”

How true! A person who fulfills his sexual urges lawfully would rarely be distracted in spiritual pursuits.

Marriage Enhances the Value of Prayers

The Prophet (S) said,

 

“Two rak‘ats (cycles) prayed by a married person are better than the night-vigil and the fast of a single person.”
 

A woman came to the Prophet (S) and said that she had tried everything to attract her husband but in vain; he does not leave his meditation to pay any attention to her.
The Prophet (S) told her to inform her husband about the reward of sexual intercourse which he described as follows:

“When a man approaches his wife, he is guarded by two angels and [at that moment in Allah’s views] he is like a warrior fighting for the cause of Allah. When he has intercourse with her, his sins fall like the leaves of the tree [in fall season]. When he performs the major ablution, he is cleansed from sins.”

Marriage increases Sustenance

The Holy Prophet (S) remarked,

“Give spouses to your single ones, because Allah makes their morality better (improves it) (under the shadow of marriage) and expands their sustenance and increases their generosity (human values).”

Importance of Marriage in Islam

Importance of Marriage in Islam

The Holy Quran says,

“And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are needy, Allah will make them free from want out of His grace; and Allah is Ample-giving, knowing.” (Surah an-Nur, 24:32)

The above ayat begins with the words Wa Ankehoo (And marry…). The imperative form of the word ‘nikah’ implies that either it is obligatory or highly recommended.1 According to scholars, though marriage is a highly recommended act, it becomes obligatory when there is a chance of falling into sin.

The Prophet (S) says, “No house has been built in Islam more beloved in the sight of Allah than through marriage.”

On another occasion the Prophet (S) said,

“The best people of my nation (Ummat) are those who get married and have chosen their wives, and the worst people of my nation are those who have kept away from marriage and are passing their lives as bachelors.”

Imam ‘Ali (A.S.) exhorts, “Marry, because marriage is the tradition of the Prophet (S).” The Prophet (S) also said, “Whosoever likes to follow my tradition, then he should know that marriage is from my tradition.”

A. Importance of Sex in Marriage

In Islam, marriage is not restricted to a platonic relationship between husband and wife, nor is it solely for procreation. The Islamic term for marriage, “nikah” literally means sexual intercourse. So why has Islam provided extensive rules and regulation regarding sex? This was because Islam has fully understood that sexual instincts cannot and must not be repressed. They can only be regulated for the well being of human beings in this life and for their success in the hereafter.

Sex in married life has been openly recommended in Qur’an,

“…when they [i.e., the wives] have cleansed themselves [after menstruation], you go into them as Allah has commanded…” (Surah al-Baqarah, 2:222)

B. Fulfillment of Sexual Urge

The Holy Prophet (S) and the Holy Imams (A.S.) also encouraged their followers to marry and to fulfill their sexual urges in lawful ways as can be seen from the following: The Prophet (S) said, “O you young men! I recommend marriage to you.”

Imam Reza (A.S.) said, “Three things are from the traditions of the Messengers of God (A.S.): using perfume, removing the [excessive] hair and visiting one’s wife.”

The Wedding Night

It is highly recommended that the wedding should take place at night. The hadith says, “Take the bride to her new home during the night.” 1
When the bride enters the room, the groom is recommended to take off her shoes and wash her feet (in a washbowl) and then sprinkle the water around the room.
Then he should perform wuzu and pray two rak’at sunnat prayer and then recite the following du’a:

اَللّهُمَّ ارْزُقْنِىْ اِلْفَهَا وَ وُدَّهَا وَ رِضَاهَابىِْ وَ اَرْضِنِىْ بِهَا وَ اَجْمَعْ بَيْنَنَا بِاَحْسَنِ اِجْتِمَاعٍ وَ اَنَسِ اِيْتِلاَفٍ فَاِنَّكَ تُحِبُّ الْحَلاَلَ وَ تُكْرِهُ الْحَرَامَ.

Allahummar zuqni ilfahaa wa wuddaha wa rizaaha bi; warz”ini biha, wa-ajma’ baynana bi ah’sane ijtimaa’in wa anasi i-tilafin; fa innaka tuh’ibbul h’alaala wa tukrihul h’araam.
O Allah! Bless me with her affection, love and her acceptance of me; and make me pleased with her, and bring us together in the best form of a union and in absolute harmony; surely You like lawful things and dislike unlawful things.
Then he should ask the bride to do wuzu and pray two rak’at sunnat prayer.
When they are ready to go to bed, the groom should put his hand on the bride’s forehead and pray the following du’a while facing the qiblah.

اَللّهُمَّ بِاَمَانَتِكَ اَخَذْتُهَا وَ بِكَلِمَاتِكَ اِسْتَحْلَلْتُهَا فَاِنْ قَضَيْتَ لِىْ مِنْهَا وَلَدًا فَاجْعَلْهُ مُبَارَكًا تَقِيًّا مِّنْ شِيْعَةِ آلِ مُحَمَّدٍ وَّ لاَ تَجْعَلْ لِلشَّيْطَانِ فِيْهِ شِرْكًا وَّ لاَ نَصِيْبًا.

Allahumma bi amaanatika akhadhtuha wa bi kalimaatika is-tah’laltuha. Fa in qaz’ayta li minha waladan, faj-’alhu mubaarakan taqiyyan min Shi’ati Aal-i Muh’ammad (s’al-lal-laahu a’layhi wa aalihi wa sallam) wa laa taj-’al lish Shayt’aani fihi shirkan wa laa naseeba.
O Allah! I have taken her as Your trust and have made her lawful for myself by Your words. Therefore, if You have decreed for me a child from her, then make him/her blessed and pious from among the followers of the Family of Muhammad [peace be upon him and them]; and do not let Satan have any part in him/her.2
Is it necessary to have sexual intercourse on the very first night after the wedding or can it be delayed? As far as the Shariah is concerned, it is neither obligatory nor forbidden to have sex on the first night. It is a private decision between the newlywed couple; it has nothing to do with others.

• 1. Wasa’il ul-Shi’a, vol. 14, p. 62
• 2. Al-’Urwah. p. 624.

Components of an Ideal Islamic Marriage

Ideal Islamic Marriage

In the Islamic Law, marriage is an ‘aqd, a contract. The components of this contract are as follows:

Proposal

In Islam the process of proposal by a man to a woman for her hand in marriage, or for that matter, to her family, is encouraged. Islam considers this natural, and recommends it as an act of respectability and dignity for women.

Mahr

And the intending husband is asked to offer a Mahr to the bride.
The Quran says, “And give women their Mahr as a free gift, but if they of themselves be pleased to give up to you a portion of it, then eat it with enjoyment and with wholesome result.” (Surah an-Nisaa’, 4:4)
The following points are worthy of consideration:
a) Mahr must be agreed upon by the marrying partners themselves, not by parents.
b) Mahr is her right, to which her husband remains indebted.
c) It is a free gift and not her price.
The Mahr may be cash, kind or non-material (like training or teaching something). It can be paid up front or can be in form of promise to pay upon demands decided prior to the solemnization of marriage.1 Moajjal (immediate), Muwajjal and Indat-talab (on demand).
However, it is much recommended to pay it before or at the time of Nikah itself.

The Nikah Ceremony

According to Shariah, the wife-to-be says, ‘An Kah’tu nafsaka a’lal mah’ril ma’loom’
“I have given away myself in Nikah to you, on the agreed Mahr.”
Immediately, the man (bridegroom) says, ‘Qabiltun Nikaha’.
“I have accepted the Nikah.”
With these pronouncements, they become husband and wife.
If the marrying partners are not able to recite the formula in Arabic, one or two persons or priests2 are appointed and authorized to officiate. One who represents the bride would first seek her explicit consent to officiate on her behalf, and so would the other who acts on behalf of the groom. Naturally, there would be a slight variation in the pronouncements, because the persons reciting them are appointees. A person who represents the bride would initiate by saying, “Ankah’tu muwakkilati muwakkilaka a’lal mah’ril ma’loom.”
“I give away in Nikah the woman who has thus appointed and authorized me, to the man who has authorized you, on an agreed Mahr.”
The groom’s representative would respond, “Qabiltunnikaaha limuwakkili a’lal mah’ril ma’loom.”
“I accept the Nikah on behalf of the one who has appointed me, on the agreed Mahr.”
It is mustahab to recite a brief discourse or Khutba before the Nikah formula is enunciated. In this Khutba, Allah is praised for His Wisdom in regulating the lawful process of procreation, and then the traditions from the Prophet (S) are also recited.

Time of Marriage Ceremony

Though basically marriage is allowed at all times, there are some days on which marriage is not recommended; some of these are based on ahadith and some on cultural, historical reasons.
Generally, we can categorize these days into three: (a) There are some ahadith which say that it is makruh (not recommended) to have a marriage ceremony on the days when the moon is in the constellation of Scorpio (this is known as al-qamar fil aqrab or qamar dar aqrab), during the last two or three days of the lunar months, and on Wednesdays. (b) There are certain days of the Islamic calendar which have become associated with the early events of the Islamic history; for example, the 10th of Muharram is the day of mourning for the massacre at Karbala or the day of the Prophet (S)’s death in Safar, etc. Since such days are commemorated by the Muslims as days of mourning, it is socially and, to some extent, religiously not recommended to have a marriage ceremony on such days.3
The Shi’ah Ithna Ashari (Twelver Shi’ahs), especially in India and Pakistan, rarely perform marriage ceremony between the 1st of Muharram and the 8th of Rabi al-Awwal as this period includes the mourning days of Muharram culminating in the martyrdom of Imam Askari (A.S.). The 9th Rabi al-Awwal is celebrated as Eid-e-Zahra.
If there is a need, however, Nikah can be performed at any time.

Permission of the Bride-to-be/Father

The girl’s consent is necessary and has to be taken by her representative, directly.
In case of a virgin/spinster the father’s or the grandfather’s permission is also necessary. However if the permission is unreasonably withheld under some conditions or the girl has no father/paternal grandfather it is not necessary.
However, a woman who is not a virgin does not require any permission in case of remarriage.

Valima (Dinner)

Valima is highly recommended on the groom. The relatives, neighbors and friends must be invited for Valima. However, lavish spending is not advisable especially when the same money can be used effectively by the couple.

• 1. Marriage and Morals in Islam, Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi
• 2. Aalim, Maulana or those who are conversant with the correct Nikah procedure and proper Arabic pronunciation.
• 3. Marriage and Morals in Islam, Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi

• Proposal
• Mahr
• The Nikah Ceremony
• Time of Marriage Ceremony
• Permission of the Bride-to-be/Father
• Valima (Dinner)